Happy Monday, friends! I’m coming to you with a heaping scoop of vulnerability real late this evening, ya ready?
I’m fresh off an incredible weekend spent at Devoted Conference, where I got to hear from amazing women like Lysa Terkheurst, Wendy Treat, and more. So, on one hand, I came home encouraged and refreshed, with a sore throat from belting out worship songs, a mental note that I need to find a better waterproof mascara, and a journal full of colorfully scribbled notes that I plan on reviewing til kingdom come.
On the other hand, I’ve been struggling with feelings of insecurity, and there’s just something about being at a conference with hundreds of other women that really seemed to really bring those insecurities to light. I wanted to share a little bit about my struggles and also some tools I’ve learned to fight off the “funk” of insecurity.
Here’s a vulnerable truth: I always feel out of place. Do you?
The struggle is real. I have been that girl on the outside looking in ever since I can remember. In elementary school I was the one that was often picked last for sports teams at recess, (I cannot blame them for not picking me at all, I was about as athletic as a loaf of bread… mmm, bread) the odd one out that didn’t get to be in the tight friend group that hung out on the weekends, and the one who got the growth spurts first and, er, “became a woman” the soonest. Ahh, pre-teen memories. Barf.
I’ve always had friends and have thrived in one on one relationships, but often felt like the clumsy, awkward, unwanted third wheel when we were in groups and truthfully, that feeling has never gone away.
I’m not writing this for pity or anything close to it, I’m actually thankful that this was a part of my story. I grew up strong, have always appreciated alone time, and developed creativity and a pretty killer sense of humor to combat the pain, so theres that! 😉
As an adult, I’ve learned a lot about what brings out these feelings of insecurity, and how to keep them from taking over, and I’d love to share them with you!
1. Become an Expert on YOU.
Self-awareness is something I put a lot of value in these days. We are all so incredibly different and It’s been so eye-opening to learn about why I am the way I am and read about actual reasons I see the world a certain way. Are you an introvert or extrovert? How much do you really know about your personality? Find out more!
I know there are so many kinds of personality tests available, but I’ve recently discovered the Enneagram (Any other enneagram lovers out there?) which is basically a spiritually based personality type scale… but it goes much more in depth. I also love that it teaches you to have compassion for others by understanding why they are the way they are.
For those of you who do know Enneagram; I am a type four, the Romantic Individualist. In a nutshell, I long to be understood and seen, and have always felt like there is something missing in me. I have a tendency to feel ALL the feels and can get too wrapped up in my emotions.
Separate from the enneagram, I’m also a total introvert at my core. Do not be fooled, this doesn’t mean that I’m quiet and shy… but that I need to spend time alone to recharge and process things internally.
Knowing more about my personality type has made me more aware of what I need to be the best version of myself and I think it could help you too!
2. Feel the feelings and combat them with truth.
God created us with emotions. Don’t suppress them. It is okay, and healthy to feel the feelings and notice their importance. However, the enemy loves to use our mind and our emotions against us. The good news is that the same power that conquered the grave lives in us as Christians, and the word of God has everything we need to fight off the lies of the enemy.
Open your bible and read scripture when you are feeling like you fall short. Write scriptures down about who God says you are and keep them in places you will see often. Nothing cuts off the lies of insecurity like the word of God.
Prayer and worship: Take the focus off the areas that you fall short and fix your eyes on the goodness, faithfulness, and FULLNESS of God.
If you’re having a day where you are feeling the funk, and insecurity is running rampant, take time to pray and ask God for help, and worship, even if just for twenty minutes in your car. It will re-align your heart.
Songs you need in your playlist:
- Peace – Hillsong Young and Free
- You Don’t Miss a Thing – Bethel Music
- So Will I – Hillsong United
- Reckless Love – Cory Asbury
- You’re Gonna Be Okay – Jenn Johnson
- Speak To Me – Kari Jobe
- I Am No Victim – Kristene Dimarco
3. Banish victim mentality.
It’s ok to feel the hurt, but not to fall victim to it. Be careful that you don’t treat yourself as a victim. Sometimes you’re gonna want to have a pity party, and that’s okay, but put a time limit on it. Buy some fresh flowers. Eat the pint of Talenti Salted Caramel gelato and take a bubble bath… but then toughen up and keep on going.
Life is hard, but you are strong. Don’t be a victim to your thoughts and feelings, or let your insecurities keep you from living life. *She writes as she ponders staying indoors all summer long so as to avoid swimsuit season.
Stop looking for people to blame. Realize that when you’re feeling that funk of insecurity, you (with Christ’s help) are the only one that can overcome it. You’re gonna be okay!
4. Fight for the friendships and give grace.
You do need community, but you don’t need the approval and inclusiveness of all people. You won’t be everyone’s favorite. You cannot please everyone, you are not nutella.
Find close friends and invest your time in them. But even in those friendships, realize that people are different than you, and therefore may not notice when they are excluding you, or hurting your feelings. It doesn’t mean they are doing this intentionally.
Don’t internalize and get stuck in your feelings. Fight for the friendships and communicate. The silent treatment has a terrible track record.
Look out for the emotions of others, be inclusive, treat others the way you want to be treated, even if you never are treated that way. Give extra grace.
5. Place your security in Christ, daily.
At the end of the day, you cannot place your security in anything but Jesus Christ.
Not your job, not your role as a wife or mother. Not your future goals or dreams.
Not your talents or calling.
In Christ alone.
You are seen and known, and still loved by the king.
Nothing is wrong with you. You belong.
You are not alone.
You are unique and valued for who you are.
You are a child of God.
Know this. Read it again and again.
As Lysa Terkheurst teaches in her book Uninvited, we cannot let our feelings and circumstances dictate what we believe. We must continuously fix our focus on the truth.
“God is good, God is good to me, and God is good at being God.”
I often write the things I need to read most, and this is certainly that.
Combating feelings with truth is something that I have been working on daily! Thank you for the music suggestion as well!
Thank YOU for reading! 🙂
It is so important to focus on what is true. Feelings can get you into trouble. Great Post. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks, Juanita!
This is really good! Everyone has insecurities as humans but we can’t let those insecurities define us. I liked how you talked about how we can’t treat ourselves as victims. Life is hard but we have to keep moving forward! Thank you for this.
Thank you, Chelle!
This is so good. In moments of insecurity, I’ve learned the power of speaking His promises over my life. His word gives life. Thank you for this encouraging post!
Thanks so much, Jennifer!
Now I just want Nutella. I love you!
Love YOU!